Emotional Choice - A Critical Skill

At one time or another, we’ve all been in a strained emotional state where we have said or done something inappropriate. The situation worsens when we follow with guilt, anger and damage control that would otherwise be unnecessary. At the heart of every one of our “I know better” type behaviours is an inappropriate emotion; at the heart of all appropriate decisions is a stable, decisive, positive emotional state.

All consistent peak performers posses the ability to maintain an appropriate emotional state, regardless of their external conditions. In other words, we need to “feel” right to perform our best, especially in the most demanding conditions. This idea is simple and is accepted by almost everyone, but is a skill that few people actually posses. This is an area of development that cannot be ignored by those who wishing to be more effective in career, parenting, relationships, hobbies or sports - not to mention those of us who simply want to enjoy life rather than consistently endure stress and negative emotional states.

So why is emotional control such a challenge for many of us?

First of all, emotions have only recently become a comfortable topic of discussion in our families, schools and workplaces. Emotions were pretty much taboo for many of us until quite recently.

Second, many of us were never taught that we are capable of determining our emotional states. Many North Americans (as well as other modern societies) tend to believe that events control our emotions (e.g. “that makes me happy”, or “this makes me angry”). Nonetheless, the mystery becomes partially solved by discovering that emotions cannot be directly affected, but rather they are a by-product of our mental and physical conditions.

Third, many people don’t think their emotions are inappropriate because they are (literally) “numb” to them. We all know someone who has been obviously upset about something, yet they deny their emotions completely, stating that they are “just fine”. This mechanism is present in all of us, and is designed to protect us in the short term during stressful situations, but employing this mechanism long term can have dramatic consequences. If we don’t know we’re upset, we can’t do anything about it, so many people continue on as if everything is fine with our emotional state.

Fourth, even if we do want to learn to control our state (of which we are all capable), overcoming the grip of old emotional habits is a challenge that requires correct education and diligent practice. This investment in change takes time, patience and a break in our busy lives. The gripping momentum of our familiar routines can sweep us away from what we are all truly after, which is happiness, health and good results.

It seems that emotional control is indeed our most important skill to learn and maintain, and fulfilling the need to develop this skill can absolutely change the quality of one’s life in a fundamental. In fact, recent research conducted at the National Intsitutes of Health in Washington, D.C. proves that there is a direct link between physical health and emotional states. One may be led to believe that this is one of the reasons we have record disease rates in North America.

After all, a wise person once said that if you don’t enjoy the journey, the destination is irrelevant. Enjoying the journey is not just a choice, it’s a requirement for being a peak performer.